You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
