we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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