Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I CAN MOONWALK!
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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