Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
