so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She bit a glass in half.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
