i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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