i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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