Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
