he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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