Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
