The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
