What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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