When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
