it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
