Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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