why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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