We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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