I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
