Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
