i may or may not be watching the land before time
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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