don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
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