U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
