WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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