so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Apparently you make a good broom.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
