Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
