We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
