At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
