and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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