and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
