pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
she told me i tasted like america
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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