It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
