and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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