I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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