Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
