I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
