i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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