I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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