the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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