haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
