If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
