Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
NoShamevember. You game?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Come share oat with me in your robe
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
