No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize