can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
