are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
