i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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