Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
