hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
