just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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