I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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