I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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