VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I looked at my own cervix.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize