i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
