Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
and she was petting her beer can
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
