For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
