no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I can't turn off my feet"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
