i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
