i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
