I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
