Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I understand Curling. That high.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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