First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
