Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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