I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
