it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
