Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
