yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
