So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
this is an emotional support booty call
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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