Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i would punch a child for taco bell
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
