I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize